Feelings can change… But Why?

Feelings can change in relationships, hence the breakup and divorce rate. Although, are the feelings we ‘have’ or ‘don’t have’ for that once was someone special —in our lives— a reason to end a long term — emotionally invested relationship? Couples get together for a variety of reasons, and sometimes ‘love’ is not among the number of reasons. Likewise, feeling that you have fallen ‘out of love’ with your partner can be disconcerting, disheartening and even alarming to you both. There are a number of reasons why people’s feelings change in a relationship, whether it’s financial pressures or struggles, sexual issues, imbalanced domestic and family responsibilities, health and/or career issues or travel, etc., there are a number of reasons that actually do cause feelings to change within a relationship. Yet, these feelings do not necessarily mean that one or both of you no longer loves the other, it means it’s time to address our frustrations and hurt or distant feelings, talk about it and work through it, if in fact, love is truly at the core of the relationship? Below are eight (8) primary reasons why feelings often change drastically during the course of a romantic relationship:

1. Disrespect: one of you wants things your way, the other his or her way and neither of you meet in the middle, deciding to do it your way or the highway!

2. Personality differences: One of you is a chatter box and the other mute. One of you is upbeat and extrovert the other more sober and introvert; one prefers to read while the other prefers TV., or maybe one of you enjoys dinner and movie, while the other prefers getting dressed up for as many nites on the town as there are days of the week. One of you may enjoy chatting away until the wee hours of the morning either on the phone or by text, while the other prefers a brief text or chat to say g’morning or g’nite.

3. Lifestyle differences: One of you prefers city life, with constant activity, the other a life on the farm and with tons of livestock including family around, or one prefers a Metro more urban area to reside, and the other a suburban or more rural outside the city limit address; one of you enjoys spectator sports, while the other prefers to engage and play sports, or maybe dance is your sport and you get up and boogie down when the mood strikes rather than just watch etc., perhaps one prefers the arts and entertainment, theatre, opera, museums, etc., while the other prefers hiking and archaeology, or signing up for the next safari while the other hits the cruise ship to the Islands.

4. Annoying Habits: Up all nite on FB or Tweeting, and all thru dinner etc., or every time you’re signaled you are the one who ‘MUST’ look at your phone as it’s become an appendage—while one of you could and perhaps often does go MIA for days because you don’t want to be reached nor reach out to anyone. You just want, need and desire your space and to be in space whenever you wish. Maybe you are an early riser or a nite owl, or both and your motto is that you’ll sleep when you’re dead? Maybe you prefer to spend all your free time with friends and family than with your partner or you’re the type who prefers to spend all your free time with your partner and Ooh I have a family and well you did have friends…

5. Substance use and abuse: whether it’s sitting at home watching the games and drinking a case or at the bar shooting a few, or out dancing and drinking martinis all nite or at the wine tasting getting smashed with friends, if one or both of you are overdoing your mind altering fluid or ‘whatever’ intake, (as you know) doing so will eventually take it’s toll on the relationship. The biggie here is if suddenly mr or ms partier decides that lifestyle is no longer for ‘them’… total deal breaker! The key to this one is leave the substance alone or at home and alone.

6. Infidelity: does this really need an example or explanation? I mean, really?

7. SEX: One of you prefers sex in the morning and at night, the other in the afternoon. Or perhaps not at all? Maybe the frequency is more than enough for one at once or twice a week, but that is a death sentence to your partner, If your partner is that unhappy with the frequency or lack thereof then see number 6 above—we are sexual beings, God created us this way. Unless there is a reason to avoid sex —–due to being tired, or worn out from the physical stress of job or life, injury, illness or disease… then it’s time to take a long hard look at your relationship because you’re already in trouble. When two people are together and they are fully assembled human specimens then mutual giving and receiving in sexual intimacy will indeed foster emotional intimacy. The concentric circle is applicable here. Emotional intimacy creates the desire for physical intimacy —- creating more depth to the emotional bond, etc. So get it in gear folks, a celibate committed relationship is a best friend, it is not romance. The only thing that separates friendship from romance is ‘Sex’.

8. Communication: Although this should have been ‘number 1’… (we already know this is true, we must communicate our needs, wants and desires, and folks it is important in doing so prior to entering into a physically romantic or sexual relationship—- meaning before you attend the mattress ball together ‘the first time’ … not the third, fourth or fifth time—–but before the first time.

‘TALK’ about what matters most to you on an emotional, spiritual and moral level. You are important and what you believe, think, want, need and desire is important, too—-and must be discussed if you want it to be important to your partner, too. Or a least know whether or not it is important to him/her.

Communication Communication Communication … Whether it’s good bad or indifferent, all relationships boil down to communication. Talk about what and how you are feeling and be emotionally open about it. This means that your communication with your partner is not about any old type and style of communication —–but about the right type and style of communication for your particular relationship, and what matters most to you both in your relationship now and into your relationship today tomorrow, next month, year and so on… therefore, the more you communicate about what and how you are feeling—-the better you will both better understand when and why your feelings changed and recognize what triggers are creating the roller coaster emotions and feelings associated with same.~