Wanting, needing and desiring…love in your life and then doing everything humanly possible (possibly even lying thru your teeth—to yourself and to your new potential partner) to RUN AWAY as fast as you can— just at the time when you are about to settle into couple-hood—is more common than one may think. Sabotaging new love is most often a surreptitious act on one or both parties within the relationship.The idea of having to change your day to day routine, or lifestyle, daily habits or even your clothes, hygiene, etc., on a regular basis can be rather emotionally alarming, or just too much trouble. The path of least resistance leaves you always wanting, and never having.
Are you an ‘I Can do it all Myself’ —taking on much more responsibility than is rightfully yours in your relationship/partnership? Or perhaps you are someone who believes… “I Can’t do it or live by Myself”— the counter to the former stated belief of being overly independent to seriously dependent. Both are indicative behaviors of sabotage.
Maybe you are the type who is afraid that you CAN have or possibly get what you want? You want a partner in life whom is the perfect match for you to live happily ever after. Suddenly that person shows up and you become the queen or king of nit-picking every little trait that makes them ‘human’ … such as he snorts when he laughs, or her toes are so long they look like fingers?
Yes, you will have to change. And one or several, perhaps many or all (over time) of your deepest darkest weird-ass secrets may very well be found out! Surprise, SURPRISE!! Yet, to be the partner you must become for the love of your life —- your partner in and for life—-will take some adjustment and behavior modification.
Emotional integrity is what creates emotional intimacy, and those two ingredients are the foundation of all true healthy relationships that ultimately foster long term Trust and Loyalty, creating real committed love. It’s human nature and so much easier to ‘want’ what you can’t have. And once you have something you want, or thought you wanted, a little fear creeps in. Fear is a natural human emotion—-although more often times than not, unwarranted, at best romantically speaking, destructive.
Love is about the respected safety between two people to share, care, honor and forgive. If these four characteristics are not present—-it’s not love.
Rather than allow the fears to ‘get to you’ and cause you to run—-bring them into the light with your partner, open up and talk about them. The vulnerability between you will allow you both to be ’emotionally naked’, while fully dressed… helping you to relax and enjoy the bond you’re creating vs. the fear you are harboring.~