The Art of Complaining

Criticizing our spouse or partner, rather than
complaining about something we are dissatisfied about is a primary
reason couples are unable to resolve arguments. Understanding the
difference between criticizing and complaining is such a crucial element
in discussions, disagreements and arguments that I could write a book
on this one topic.

We must realize that complaining to our
spouse or partner is normal and healthy. We must also make sure that we
are open to our spouse/partner complaining to us as well. Complaints
are a common issue within relationships of all types.

Complaining is freedom of expression within the parameters of a
relationship. Criticizing is not about ‘ourselves’. Criticizing focuses on the other
person. There is a difference between complaining and criticizing

How
we begin a complaint is going to set the tone of the discussion,
disagreement or argument. Therefore, it’s important to begin by
confronting your partner/spouse with your complaint in a tone that does
not attack, snap or criticize them.

When we complain we
must remember that our complaint is about us, and what we are
experiencing or feeling. It is not about our partner or spouse.

When we criticize we are focusing on the other person. Doing so will put your partner/spouse on the defense.

The
difference between complaining and criticizing is that complaining
explains the problem or issue. Complaining vs. criticizing gives your
spouse/partner a gracious way to respond, vs. react, allowing them to
also explain their side. Complaining focuses on how “I feel” vs. you caused me to, or you made me feel, etc. Complaining vs. Criticizing maintains a civil, constructive conversation.

Learning
the art of complaining vs. criticizing will foster a healthier happier
and more loving, productive marriage or partnership. Learning this skill deepens
intimacy as communication becomes more emotionally safe, open, honest
and connected.~

Image result for couples complaining

Image result for couples complaining

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